Pregnancy Losses

I found out today that a dear friend of mine has miscarried. She is almost 6 weeks pregnant. She has been trying for only 6 months, but she wants a child so very bad. She found out just last Tuesday she was pregnant and now she found out today that she will miscarry. I hate that she has to go through this.

I experienced the same kind of heartache on June 3, 2009. It was the day before our 4th anniversary and I had started bleeding the day before. I passed a sweet little baby on the 3rd and that just broke my heart. When I became pregnant, I had no concerns that this would happen. My first pregnancy had had no problems, that gave me a false sense of security.

In September of 2009, I experienced another miscarriage. This one was a lot earlier than my first, if I had not taken a pregnancy test, I would have never known I was pregnant; I would have thought my cycle had just been a few days late.

As I think back to those days, I find myself wondering-is this kind of hurt worse if the baby is at an older gestation age? What if I had a stillborn instead of a miscarriage? Would my heart hurt more? I think my answer would be maybe. Even though I ache every day for my babies I lost much too early, I never had the chance to hear a heartbeat, feel a kick or know their gender. I think once you find/see/hear those things, your bond with your baby becomes even stronger and you become more attached to them as time goes on-you know their identity now. However, I don't know if I would feel more hurt, and I pray that I will never know.

Please don't think that I think that losing a baby early is not devastating-believe me, I know it is!! I believe that life begins at conception and that my baby had a heartbeat, an identity and that my baby was most definately my child from the start. I am just not sure if my hurt would be even worse if I had lost my child closer to their due date. We had names picked out for our second baby-one boy name and one girl name. We are not going to use either of those names now. We do not know if this baby was a boy or a girl and I am not going to mistakenly give their name to another child.

I hope you can see what I am trying to say. I was just thinking about that in my head today as I was praying for my sweet friend. Every time I hear a woman is pregnant, I pray they do not need to know the hurt that many women do. Some women do find that out, some don't, but in the end, we can all take comfort in knowing that our babies are with Jesus patiently waiting on us to be there with them so we can give them the hugs and kisses we never got to give them on Earth.

Once again, I pray I do not upset anyone with this post. These were just thoughts running through my head this afternoon. If you have experienced this heartache, I am so sorry; my prayers are with you.

Mommy misses you and loves you so much my sweet angels in Heaven.