I immediately called my mom that Friday afternoon while I was at work. I was in tears. She immediately stopped what she was doing and said a prayer on the phone with me. I felt so much better after that; God really put a calmness over me that I can still remember exactly how it felt to this day.
That weekend, my fears took back over. Satan really had fun with me that weekend. I kept thinking, 'well, I have already lost two babies because of this, I am sure I will lose this one as well'. How wrong I was-God had other things in store for me!!
That Monday morning, I stopped into work to drop my things off before I made the ride over to my ultrasound. I can ride in a "train" transit from my hospital to the one where my doctor was at so my journey to and from was very easy. Everyone at work kept asking me, 'well, what are you going to do if something is wrong with the baby, are you going to work all day or go home?' I just kept telling myself that God is in control and whatever happens, happens.
When I got to the ultrasound room, they first did an external ultrasound and then they were going to do an internal one after I used the bathroom(those fun ultrasounds where you have to balloon your bladder up!!). The external one went great, she said my uterus was measuring on target for being 7 weeks pregnant and my ovaries looked nice and healthy. Of course we couldn't see the baby from an external ultrasound yet. That was killing me and of course my fears took over again.
Once that ultrasound was over, I went to the bathroom and came back into the ultrasound room. The tech was gone and it took forever for her to come back. I am not exaggerating-it was about 10 minutes! I was like, I want to see if my baby is alive or not--why would you keep me waiting in suspense like this???? Once the tech finally came back, she prepped me and the ultrasound wand and I held my breath. She asked me if I was okay and I told her I would be in a few seconds....
In those few seconds, my world changed forever. As soon as that baby came on the screen, I saw that heart beating so fast. My eyes welled up with tears and I threw myself back on the bed and just yelled "Thank you God!" I sat back up and saw the tech smiling at me. She then said, "I never get tired of my job when it goes like this". We continued on and the baby measured so perfectly. The baby was moving all around and I could just barely make out some arm and leg "nubins" :) So many thoughts ran through my mind...is it a boy or girl, what are they going to look like, how long will they stay in my belly-will they be full term?....I was so happy I just kept thinking thought after thought.
Once the ultrasound was over, the tech was getting ready to leave. I asked her if I could have a picture of the baby. She said they normally don't give pictures out of babies that early(I am not sure why, maybe because there is still a high chance for miscarriage?), and I said okay. All of a sudden, she looked me and said, well I don't see the harm in giving you one. She printed off a great picture of the baby and said "Happy Baby Ultrasound Day". How sweet she was :)
Once that was over, I saw my doctor. She was very pleased with how things were going and we were even more pleased that I was on the progesterone supplements. I ended up staying on those all through my first trimester. We think that low progesterone is the reason why Emma came early and I lost my other two babies. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to that doctor for helping save my baby!! God definitely put me in that lady's care for a reason.
One year ago today, I had no idea how the rest of my year would go. However, today it goes like this.....
My days are filled with love and laughter from my two favorite girls! I could not be happier with what God has given me here on earth. I also cannot wait to meet my other two children in Heaven one day!
How much difference one year makes....
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